With both High Speed and Low Drags rosters full Thursday's first race of the season is certain to be a Donny Brook! This is Low Drags' plan to win.
Low Drag’s Ingenious Plan to Outsmart High-Speed
Low Drag Order of Battle
- Fast Riders (Our Gazelles): You’re the powerhouses—ready to pull like freight trains, but smoother than a jazz solo. If gaps form, you’re the duct tape of the team. Strong, sticky, and holding everything together.
- Medium Riders (Our Diesel Engines): Steady, reliable, and not prone to overheating. You’re the glue that keeps the group together. Set a pace that’s brisk but won’t make the slower riders file a workers’ comp claim.
- Slower Riders (Our Draft Kings): Your job? Hang on for dear life. Think of yourselves as lovable barnacles on the hull of a fast-moving ship. No pulling allowed—just draft and survive!
Race Plan
Early Phase (AKA “Operation Milk the 8 Minutes”)
- Start Strategy:
- The 8-minute head start is our golden ticket—use it wisely. Ride together like a flock of geese, drafting and honking encouragement as needed.
- Slower riders, stay tucked in like kids hiding during hide-and-seek. No peeking out front unless you’re ready to regret life choices.
- Pace Management:
- Medium riders, channel your inner Goldilocks: not too fast or slow, just right. Keep the slower riders in the draft, and don’t go rogue and turn this into a solo breakaway.
- Communication:
- Use Discord—no mumbling or mystery fan noises. If you’re struggling, shout “Help!” If you’re feeling great, shout “I’m lying!”
- Energy Conservation:
- Slower riders, save energy like you’re paying for it by the watt. Draft like your life depends on it because it kinda does.
Final Phase (AKA “The Serengeti Showdown”)
- Prepare for High Speed’s Arrival:
- When High Speed inevitably shows up breathing fire, remember: You’ve been expecting this. Tighten up the paceline and stick together like gum on a hot sidewalk.
- Slower riders, this is your moment to peel off dramatically, like action heroes sacrificing themselves for the team.
- The Serengeti Effect:
- Fast riders, here’s where it gets fun. Latch onto High Speed’s slowest like a koala on a eucalyptus tree. Draft them shamelessly. Remember: This is war, and koalas always win.
- Sprint Strategy:
- When it’s time to sprint, channel your inner cheetah (or at least a caffeinated housecat). Make sure to cross that line ahead of High Speed’s stragglers. Bonus points if you do it with style—maybe a victory wave?
Key Points to Emphasize
- Team Cohesion: Stick together like a family reunion—awkward, but no one gets left behind.
- Mental Toughness: Remember, pain is temporary, but losing to High Speed will be in the group chat forever.
- Strategic Awareness: Watch High Speed like they're birds (or vultures, depending on the state of the race). Remember, We have the Hawk, they have the Falcon.
Backup Plans
- If riders are dropped unexpectedly, don’t panic—just blame the Gremlins. The rest must carry on to Operation Serengeti.
- If High Speed catches up sooner than expected, throw on your best poker faces, draft like professionals, and act like you weren't really trying.
Final Thought
Remember, the goal isn’t just to win—it’s to spank High-Speed hard, cause them to question their life choices, and maybe rethink their team name. You’re Low Drag, and you’ve got nothing to lose but your dignity. Let’s roll!
