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These stander-uppers do not understand mechanics. When you stand up your body makes the same shape as the body of a person on a recumbent. Being folded up with your knees in your chest is a weak position. Anyway, I never used to stand up. As Osiris said, less gear inches.

It is not just the outliers and racers and Jasons they need to talk to. Maybe I should get a gopro and film myself riding around Ilford, in the traffic, in the park, in the underpass. Going to work, going to get beer, going to drink beer. On my tatty, lived-in looking Silvio complete with...

So close to the edge of the road. And leaning over so far he could have touched the road with his hand. I have gone at 45mph downhill in a T-shirt, but only in a straight line.

If the lungs don't get you the belly will. If I could only trust my tyres on the turns and stay off the brakes I could show Jason my rear light. Supertuck does suck. When you get off the bike you walk like a duck. If there is any traffic you cannot see the truck. If you hit a bump you will...

That does not really cheer me up.

If you use a velo on terrible roads the underside will get smashed in. The wheels will get bent and then jam in the slots. I like bosses with holes in - somewhere to thread the fencewire. I am a fred, so there is always fencewire somewhere on my bike.

Or die suddenly before your time. I think cycling stops me from getting depressed.

I am used to being overtaken. 17mph on a Freerider is bloody good. I get an average speed of 16mph on my Silvio if I want a heart-attack. And I keep going back for more.

I have a unique custom Cruzbike. And so can you. Easy. Just cut the boom. I am a mid-footer, which makes my effective x-seam short, so I have the BB very close to me. I know some people do not like the BB to be so high but I am used to that. I think it is easier to steer because of the...

Mine does. Cable Ti-es.

My Silvio has Ti jockey wheels. Does that count?

That's the problem. If you are a mid-footer your x-seam is effectively shorter.

There is only one way to find out how good the tyres are. I have no problem handling my Silvio. I never feel unstable. But it is tyre adhesion and holes in the road that worry me. There is a turn at the bottom of a hill where my lungs would let me go faster, but I do not dare. Last week I...

Tell that to someone with COPD. Animal. Sounds about right.

Definitely not my Grasshopper. I can ride my Silvio hands-free, which proves that involuntary pedal-steer stops happening eventually. If you are more stubborn than the bike, eventually it will get tired of being uncooperative and trying to murder you. At least your gear problem is not a...

A Quest has the advantage over a Silvio or Vendetta in that it can accommodate a frontpack. That is one good reason for a sticky-up handlebar stem.

Never send to know for whom the parked car's door opens; It opens for thee.

Absolutely brilliant place to send convicts.

You think deer are bad? There used to be cows on Wanstead Flats. They used to wander all over the place. They used to run across the road. Nearly got me.

Yes. Your headrest doesn't fit. Boo-hoo.